I Wish I Could Shake the Memory Now

HOW, I WISH I COULD SHAKE THE MEMORY NOW.

But it is clear to me that nothing has been made clear to me. Like mama I don’t understand how you allowed me to fall in the hands of that man. Like mom, why didn’t you hear me scream? Did you have your listening on silent low beam? How could you not know I begged for you to come to rescue me. I begged for you to magically appear so you could see that your little girl was in distress and pain. Mama why was all my crying and screaming in vain?

Mom mommy mama mother. My screams and cries he was able to smother. But I still screamed with all the power in my lungs. I made sounds from other dialects and tongues. I pushed in opposition mama with all my might. But he was just too strong for me to fight

So mama I closed my eyes. I silenced my cries while the site of my innocence was tortured and raped. And unlike today my torturer wasn’t taped.

Mama you better pray I get some therapy. That the phrase I killed it won’t be taken by me literally. You see as time tick tocks and keep on ticking. I still visualize gun in hand clicking. Tick tock click cock click clock tick tock, I still feel he deserves to die, in the electric chair fry. You see I still feel his dirty filthy hands on me. And a part of me still is not free. And no matter how I try to deny as I sigh. I know the reason why I cry.

TO BE CONTINUED

Forgive? What! You just gave me another deep cut. I heard you long ago tell me to forgive that I may live. That I may grow beyond the past hurt and pain and see clearly that forgiveness is for my gain.

I hear you. I heard you. And all that you say may be true but today I’m still not ready to forgive. I still don’t want that bastard to live. Tick tock click cock click cock tick tock. I still feel he deserves to die, in the electric chair fry. I hear the clock ticking day by day. I still want the evil bastard to pay. You see while he has been living his life out loud, doing things to make himself proud. I lived in the secret closet of shame, so I think killing that MF is fair game.

Tick tock tick tick night by night, I still have nightmares of that time in space and fright. Why does he continue to breathe, while I still grieve. As the clock tick tocks, I still have no relief. I still see the face of that robber and thief. Tick tock click cock click clock tick tock, I still feel he deserves to die, in the electric chair fry.

I wish I could tell you that today I’m OK and that I splash in the rain and bask in the sun ray

That my skies are bluer than they are gray. That I have forgiven him, and he no longer needs to pay. But I know I still have gun in hand. And if I didn’t fear consequences, I would complete my plan. Tick tock click cock click cock tick tock, I still feel he deserves to die, in the electric chair fry.

Pow Pow! Is he dead now?

Copyright © Nita L. Chase July 2018